


I Heard A Song Once (About Falling In Love With Your Best Friend)

by thecoloursinthegravel



Series: Everything I Didn't Say [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Letter, M/M, Unrequited Love, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 09:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecoloursinthegravel/pseuds/thecoloursinthegravel
Summary: Ashton writes a letter to Calum before his big day.





	I Heard A Song Once (About Falling In Love With Your Best Friend)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am currently very ill and hoping to go to a chronic pain inpatient programme across the country as nothing has helped to ease the pain and I seem to only be getting worse and worse. I'd love to get back to writing and I miss posting on here every day. Absolutely no pressure at all, but if you have a little to spare and have enjoyed any of my writing, I would be so, so grateful if you would consider helping me raise the funds to travel to this hospital. 
> 
> If you wouldn't mind please looking at my ko-fi account: ko-fi.com/thecoloursinthegravel
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)  
> P.S. Sorry it isn't a link and you have to copy and paste!

You called me in the middle of the night once to ask, “Do you feel lucky yet?”

I’d bought a lucky stone from some crappy stall in town that day.

And you were desperate to know how magical it really was.

I half-jokingly yelled at you for waking me up so late.

I called you an idiot and said, “That’s not how luck works”.

You just laughed through the phone and said “Ashton, that’s exactly how luck works”.

I thought you were mad.

But now, today, it feels like a good time to ask it back.

Do you feel lucky yet?

I can see in the way your lip curls up at the edge when you talk about him that you do.

And I’m really happy for you.

Honest.

It’s just taking me a while to tell my face that.

It’s not responding right, I’m afraid.

Sorry.

But soon enough I’ll learn to smile wholeheartedly at the news you and him have decided to spend the rest of your lives together.

In sickness and in health.

‘Til death do you part.

I’ll learn.

And I’ll be really good at it, too.

If anyone asks me I’ll be right on it with an easy grin and a glint of affection in my eye.

Boy, I’m gonna look _so_ happy for you.

It’s going to radiate off of me.

How proud I am.

How utterly pleased I am for you that you finally found the one.

People will laugh and say, “aren’t you sad you’re losing your best friend?”

And with a playful wink: “there’ll be no seeing him now”.

I’ll laugh back and make a joke about how it’s “another man lost to the war on marriage”.

And in the back of my throat I’ll be choking on the truth.

I’ll gag on the feeling in my stomach and the words I won’t let leave my mouth.

Honestly, though, I will be happy for you.

So genuinely pleased that you’re happy.

That’s all I ever want.

For you to be happy.

But you will have to excuse me when it comes time to do the wedding speeches, though.

I think I may need to step out the room for that part.

Because, truthfully, I thought the only time I’d hear your name in a wedding speech would be at ours.

And it feels just a touch too painful to sit through the father-of-the-groom speeches and hear his name instead of mine.

I’m sorry, Calum.

I’m sorry I can’t be there for you in the way I should be.

I’m trying so, so hard though.

I promise I am, I _swear_ I am.

It’s just taking some time to get used to it, is all.

It’s just taking some time to come to terms with the fact you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone that isn’t me.

I can’t picture my future without you, see.

I’ve been having to adjust the images I had in my mind about the rest of my life.

You were in all of them.

So scratching you out of each frame individually is taking a while.

Sorry, Calum.

I’m trying.

I really am.

Congratulations, by the way.

I’m really happy for you.

And because we’re being honest, I just wanted you to know that I’ll never mind if you call in the middle of the night.

I’ll always wake up for you.

My nights are all the better for hearing your voice.

My life is all the better for knowing you.

And I am certain, that Michael feels the same.

He’s so lucky to have you.

Don’t you ever let him forget it.

I thought, when you told me about you and him, that my eternal answer to the question “Do you feel lucky yet?” would be no.

No part of me felt lucky that day.

But since then, I grew up and stopped feeling sorry for myself.

And I knew, without a shadow of a doubt.

That yes, Calum, I do feel lucky.

I feel so lucky to have you in my life.

And I will never, ever forget it.

Just promise me one thing?

That you won’t forget me.

 

Please don’t forget me.

 

Yours, always,

Ashton

 

 

 

         

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Falling In Love With Your Best Friend by Paul Baribeau


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